the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
the raccoons are back...
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