I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
