Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
bring money and cleavage
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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