I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.