twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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