What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
