I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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