I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
