oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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