I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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