a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
