Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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