And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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