We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
