Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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