I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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