happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
