i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
