oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
