when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize