So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
dude. I can hear the air.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
