Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
