We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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