I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
