quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
