yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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