hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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