I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
did i just pee glitter
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
