i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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