babies were throwing up all over the place
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.