Swine flu is the new snow day.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.