What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
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I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.