I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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