Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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