Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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