Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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