Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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