Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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