I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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