I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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