we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
