her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
