McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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