an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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