i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
