Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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