now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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