I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
