I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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