If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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