took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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