I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
