i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
