My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
