Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways