Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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