So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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