At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
