ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
