Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
