Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
