I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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