Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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