I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
