i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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