It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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