just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
