I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
