ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Swine flu is the new snow day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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