My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
