He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We have started to decorate penises.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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