I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
