I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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