Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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