I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
