I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
