dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
