We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
