Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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